Lost and Found

I miss writing.  Life tends to get so busy, and I find myself not able to keep up with things like this blog, as much as I wish otherwise.  It's not intentional neglect.  It's all competing priorities, and real life is at the top.  My thoughts are all over the place tonight.

With Election Day coming tomorrow, and school cancelled for the day, I took my wonderful daughter to her grandparent's to stay overnight, so I can work tomorrow.  After enjoying a nice dinner at Urban Barbecue, I said goodbye and headed for home.

But before that, I decided to get lost for a little while.  It was a beautiful evening, and the top was down.  I had some great tunes playing, and I was surrounded by back roads.  Feeling a little bit melancholy, which is typical when I'm by myself, I took off and found myself...well, a little lost.  It was not a sense of direction issue, though.  I tend to have a very good sense of direction, which is connected to my love of maps and a desire to travel, to be on the road.  This feeling of being lost is more connected to an event from my past.

Twelve years ago, on April 19, 2004, my life changed forever.  While every moment of life has the potential to be life changing, there are specific kinds of events that impact us like no others.  Life and death events.

On that day, my wife died.  She collapsed right in front of me, while on an evening stroll with our at the time 5-month old daughter, from a massive heart attack.  I watched her body die in that moment, though at the time I didn't know she was gone.  In fact, I was convinced that she would be okay.  It wasn't until we arrived at the hospital that I was told she was gone, and that was when reality hit and the tears came.  And I've been grieving this loss ever since...the loss of my wife, life partner, best friend, and mother of my daughter.

So, for twelve years, I've been finding my way.  Life goes on.  And while there are moments of loneliness and sadness, and being lost, I'm constantly in awe of the saving grace of God.  My wife was a believer, and I know she is spending eternity with our Father, and I know I'll see her again. Even after she was gone, she was helping realize this fact.  She had written a verse on a piece of paper that I found months later, and it spoke to me like nothing else:

1 Peter 5:10 - "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."

Good night, everyone.