Why Am I Writing This?

I was asked recently why I'm writing this blog.  It's an easy answer.  Therapy.  A friend who had experienced the death of a loved one told me that one thing that helped her in her recovery was to start writing a blog.  Another friend said he started keeping a journal.  A book I read on the subject said to keep a diary.  I kept a diary for about 15 years, then I stopped the day after my wife died.  I had initially started writing after being inspired by my grandfather, who kept a diary for over 45 years.  The key, I was told, was to have an audience.  Since I started writing mine in high school, I determined my audience was God.  I didn't know who else I could write to.  I knew He would listen to me, though, so that worked for me.  Much later, after getting married, I decided my wife was my logical audience, and though she didn't read it, I didn't hide my diary from her, and I had nothing secretive in it, but I wrote it to her.

So, after she passed away, I stopped writing completely.  After deciding to write a blog, I was feeling gung ho, and I made a few entries and then stopped.  I guess I was expecting it to be more impactful than it was, and I kind of lost interest when it wasn't.  I really didn't have an audience in mind, either, and I felt like that was important.  I didn't do much with it for a few years.

A few years ago, my daughter got involved with Grace Adventures Day Camp, a summer camp run by my church, Grace Community.  I got to know a few of the young women who directed the camp, and discovered that two of them wrote blogs.  And upon reading them, they inspired me to resurrect my own blog.  So last Fall, I started writing again, and I made a New Year's resolution to write more regularly, to the point that I was writing almost daily.  My writing was very selfish, though.  It was for me, and even though it was available to readers, I wasn't writing to or for them.  It became therapy.  And though this may be hard for some to believe, I really feel like I was being inspired on a daily basis by God, since I had no idea what I was going to write about until I sat down and started typing.

I still don't have an audience, though.  And what I mean is I don't know who I'm writing this to, though I know people are reading it.  I've thought about writing to my daughter, but too much of what I write really isn't as interesting as I want it to be, and I'm not sure my girl will even want to read it.  Really, I don't even know who IS reading this thing.  I have a general idea, based on the statistics that I can review through the blogging site, but I'd love to know who is reading what I'm writing.  I don't get very many comments, though I greatly appreciate all who do.  A few friends (who actually know me in person) have commented, but, for the most part, not many people I know actually know that I even have a blog.  I don't share it on Facebook.  I don't talk about it with my family.  My Twitter family knows about it, especially if they're paying attention.  But that's about it.  Anyone else who may be reading this probably either has seen it linked at the Howard County Bloggers site, or has come across it accidentally.  But if you ARE reading it, thank you.

So I'm still figuring it out.  I feel like I have something to say, though this post really isn't saying much of anything at all.  I know that my faith is important, and I hope will always be reflected in my writing.  Family is very important to me, though I think my daughter is the only regular reader who I'm related to.  Many of my posts deal with our many road trips that we take, and we love to ride roller coasters, even those that are a metaphor for my life.  And now I think I'm done for the night.  Nearing my bed time.  Thanks again for reading.  Please comment.  I'd love to hear who you are and why you're reading my ramblings.

Have a great evening, everyone!